Traveling Solo While Married – What To Expect And Is It OK?

UPDATED FEB 2020. Is there a point to this post? Who knows. But today I wanted to talk about what traveling solo while married is like, what to expect, and answer the big question – is it OK to do?

Traveling Solo While Married – What To Expect And Is It OK?

What to expect when you travel alone as a married woman

Traveling solo as a married woman is mostly similar to traveling solo as a single woman, except you have a legally binding contract to love someone.

The travel experience didn’t change much for me before and after marriage.

I’m pretty ordinary when I travel and I still like an early start, sightseeing, take photos of everything I see, and to talk to a lot of people.

The only thing I do differently as a married woman who is traveling is that I don’t go clubbing and I don’t drink as much alcohol.

Clubbing and partying is really a single person’s game – yes anyone can do it, but I’ve done enough clubbing around the world to know that the majority of people are there to hook up so I just avoid it.

I enjoy quiet nights more and have the dancing skills of a brick anyway, so it’s not like it is a big sacrifice for me.

You’ll be explaining yourself… a lot

The biggest thing that I experienced since traveling alone as a married woman was that everyone seems to have an opinion on it.

This is something I’ve noticed happens when you follow your own path. When you veer from the standard expectations it can challenge people and, while some react with curiosity, some react with judgment.

I’ve observed this not only from my own experiences but also seen it happen to friends.

Doing something a little different is always going to be intriguing and I’ve heard just about everything by now.

When people are genuinely curious I love the opportunity to have a conversation about it. It’s a great opportunity to listen to their views and share from my perspective too. Deep conversations are my jam so I love these.

When people are judgmental though, it’s just background noise and I don’t pay attention. Some of the remarks I’ve heard that you might also hear are things like:

• That’s selfish
• Traveling alone is unfair to your husband
• You’re a bad wife
• That’s not the way a marriage ‘should be’

Some questions to expect

If you start traveling alone as a married woman, you’ll find you hear the same questions over and over again. Here are some of the common ones I get.

Why isn’t your husband with you?

This is a pretty standard one that’s easy to answer. I had to start it off with a normal one before I got into the more odd ones.

People will usually ask why I would travel alone if I was married. I’d probably be curious about the same thing if I were in their shoes so this isn’t too weird of a question.

It’s easy to answer because it’s just your ‘why’ and then most people understand it.

Who is taking care of your husband?

OK, now a weird one.

Who is taking care of your husband?

I don’t know Cheryl but last I checked he’s a grown man.

It always seemed odd to me that people accept that I can book my own trip, get myself everywhere on time, navigate through language barriers and everything else that comes with traveling by myself, but it’s a stretch to think my husband could get himself to bed on time without me?

Also, when my husband is away for work for many months at a time, nobody has ever, ever, EVER asked ‘who is taking care of your wife?’ or been surprised that I’m functioning fine on my own.

There’s absolutely a strange double standard where it’s accepted that women can take care of business on their own but for some reason, a man needs a mother figure to keep him on track, and it’s just not true.

Unless you married a giant man-baby, he’ll be fine taking care of himself.

Aren’t you worried about your husband?

This is just a hunch, but I have always sensed that people who ask this one have a lot of trust insecurities in their relationship.

I’ve been asked a lot of times if I worry about him cheating on me while I’m away, or vice versa if he worries about me while I’m gone.

My standard answer is ‘I’m the best there is, he ‘aint giving this up’. It’s kind of a joke, but also pretty true.

If I had to worry about infidelity every time I wasn’t standing next to him, we wouldn’t be married.

If you worry about it every time you’re apart from your significant other, maybe you should rethink your relationship.

Shouldn’t you be focused on settling down?

I get this one a lot especially since I also don’t have children. Other variations include mentions of my biological clock ticking and the regrets I will have if I wait too long.

Sure, my focus isn’t on ‘settling down’ but what does that matter?

My focus is on living a life on my terms, a life I am happy with and a life I am proud of. This is something I wish for everyone, whether that life looks like settling down with a family and a house, building a business, traveling, or whatever else.

I think if you’re judging people on their ability to live one way, meeting the approved milestones by a certain age, you’re focusing on the wrong things.

Are there problems in your marriage?

This is probably the weirdest one I’ve encountered.

I still don’t quite get the thought process.

Doing things you are interested in without your spouse automatically equals trouble at home – what? I feel sorry for anyone who feels that they can’t pursue their own interests as an individual just because they are married.

Traveling solo while married doesn’t automatically mean there are marriage problems. Maybe it just means that I enjoy traveling?

There’s also nice feedback you might hear about traveling solo while married

On the flip side, there is also nice feedback that you might receive. Here are some of the cool things people have said to me.

• I respect how you keep your independence
• It’s cool how you follow your own path
• I like how you both keep your identities/own interests then come together as well
• You make marriage look like something I would want

Is it OK to travel solo when you’re married?

Short answer: yes.

The thing is though, I don’t know what’s best for you.

I don’t think there’s a one size fits all for how to navigate life.

Sometimes traveling solo while married isn’t the most practical idea in terms of budget restrictions or the amount of quality time you have together.

If you want to travel solo but have these restrictions, one solution is to save the big trips for when you have time off work together and take smaller scale weekend trips by yourself.

I don’t think you need to travel alone when you’re married necessarily.

However, I think it’s incredibly important to retain a sense of individualism and independence while you’re in a relationship.

It’s important to have time for yourself and not have your life turn into one where you don’t do anything without the other person – that’s an unhealthy level of codependence.

You can get the same independence in a lot of other ways than just travel, though. Spending time with your girlfriends, doing a sport, taking a class, volunteering, going to the movies by yourself – there are a million options.

Overall, I think traveling alone when you are married is a great way to get out of your comfort zone, focus on your own interests,  bring something to the table of your relationship, and retain a sense of independence.

There are other ways to get the exact same benefits, but if you enjoy solo traveling, I don’t think being married should stop you.

Other solo travel guides you might enjoy

• 7 Myths About Solo Travel That Need To Be Busted ASAP
• How To Overcome The Fear Of Getting Lost While Traveling Solo
• Real Talk – What Nobody Tells You About Living Your Truth
• Travel Diary Ideas – 21 Thoughtful Prompts For Your Travel Journal

If you found this useful, return the favor by sharing it or following me on Instagram!