UPDATED FEB 2020. Leaving my toxic workplace had been something I had thought of for a long time. I am proud of myself today because I finally moved on from what had been controlling my life.
Leaving My Toxic Workplace – My Thoughts About Moving On
This is an experience that was new to me. Sure, I had experienced annoying people in the workplace – there’s one in each team right? But never like this.
At first, I thought ‘Just stick it out, Katie. It’s just because you’re new.’
It didn’t stop.
Then I thought ‘Just stick it out, Katie. Your work will speak for itself, and then they will see your value.’
They didn’t.
I spoke up to address the issues. My requests for fair treatment were met with blank stares and defensive attitudes.
Still, I wanted to remain loyal and hoped it would change. Surely somebody would see that I was capable? I was in a higher position with much more responsibility before moving here and taking this job – I love to work and they will see that.
They were blind.
Day after day I became more and more exhausted. Each day my spirit, the very essence that is me, Katie McIntosh, was deteriorating.
Weekends became very valuable to me, my salvation to prepare for the next week of mismanagement.
I became very withdrawn from people.
My coworkers would invite me to spend time with them on weekends. I would decline. I loved my friends, but the last thing I wanted to do was be reminded of the workplace on my weekends.
My husband’s job became very uncertain as he approached a transition phase. Now, I could not quit. My income was needed.
Before I stayed out of hope. The hope that it would change. The hope that I would be recognized as a good employee and my bullies would be recognized for what they were. Now I was staying for money. Everything got worse.
I started this blog to help get me through, with the hopes of inspiring others and to help me feel useful again. Every single comment someone made on my blog would brighten my day.
One day, a random stranger said to me “create an office where you don’t need to look forward to being out of it.” With the addition of some cute emojis of course, because, who doesn’t love emojis?!
It clicked in me.
I was spending 40 hours a week wasting away working for a group that did not care about me. I kept working hard and fighting for their approval, running myself into the ground with disappointment as day after day I would be discredited.
While I was working hard for this supposedly important approval, my bullies worked very hard to create extra work for me and/or extra drama. I worked even harder to overcome this.
For what? Where did this get me?
Tired.
That’s where it got me. Just tired. Tired of all the fighting.
A year went by in a blink.
And today, with my husband’s transition phase over, I put in my notice.
I took one step towards moving on and getting my life back. One step towards becoming the accomplished employee that I was before taking this job.
A step towards getting my friends back.
Towards being me again.
For this, I am proud of myself.
What will I do next? I have no idea, though I look forward to the next working adventure. Right now, I know that I need to take a quick break to reset, spend time with my husband and fur babies and get back to me.
Something in me felt the need to post this and share my little story of recent times. I guess part of me needed to get it out as a form of therapy.
The other part wanted you to know that there is hope if you are stuck in a situation like this. It could be a toxic workplace, a toxic relationship, a living situation or anything really.
Our lives are worth living, not looking forward to the next break from it like I was.
I hope this ramble on leaving my toxic workplace helps you.
Another part of me wanted you to know more about how much I have really enjoyed this blog. I know I say it all the time but this is the reason I have really enjoyed it. Because it gave me a sense of myself back and a sense of purpose.
Every comment truly does brighten my day and I appreciate all of the support like you cannot even imagine.
Thank you.
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I’m in a similar situation and m I found this blog. I feel like this is my queue to quit my job pretty soon.
Dejavu …i was that there is a ‘river of toxic’ in my working place. It did’nt register until i read your blog. By God’s grace i’m still at my office and waiting for an open door to leave..hopefully soon.
Oh no, I know how hard that is. I hope you get to leave soon and that it is the change you need!
Katie, I can’t thank you enough for this post. Every word was as if we lived parallel lives. I’m still trying to leave my toxic workplace, but now my faith and my friends have helped me slowly break the chains. I’m actively looking and have paid a professional to rewrite my resume. I believe I will find a way out. Hope is huge and important to everyone in this situation. A toxic workplace will try to make you feel inadequate and small. They will try to break you just to see if they can. My boss has done this to me. He hoped that our last private conversation would have made me quit. He said this aloud to the only coworker I speak to. I will leave. But on my own terms. I just look forward to the day it happens. I am so happy for you. I also appreciate you sharing taking such a brave step. We all need reminding that we are worth more. Thank you!
Hi Vicky, I’m wishing you all the best for your next chapter as you rise from strength to strength. You definitely deserve to work somewhere you can be appreciated.
I can understand how it feels, how suffocating it could be to spend days with people who look down upon you no matter how hard you try. I am an Indian and going through similar situation. Work palce is toxic, boss sucks, gender biased work culture….the moment I got some professional certifications, my manager slapped me with a false case against me out of insecurity. Sometimes I feel the plight of woman has not changed much whether it is Europe, Asia or whatever…
Suffocating is a great way to describe it for sure! I’m so sorry you are experiencing this though and I hope it gets better soon. Sending lots of love your way!
This is sooooo me right now. Put in a 2 week notice then decided it’s not worth the effort….turned in my keys, requested my final paycheck. Another chapter closed.
Hi Pam! What a big step! I’m sending you lots of good vibes for your next chapter!
Just put in my two week notice at a soul-sucking toxic job without another lined up for the first time. I am anxious but this helped. Thanks ❤️
Sending lots of good vibes for you to find a new job that’s a better fit for you soon. Sometimes once that door is closed, it creates an opportunity for a new one to open.
This is so me. I was at an amazing job with great people before it was eliminated due to a merger. New job is horrible. All you said here and more. I am fearful I won’t find another job but I can’t keep going to this one. Starting to take a physical toll on me. Positive energy and thoughts are needed. Thanks for listening.
Sending you all the positive thoughts and vibes to find some balance and maybe a new job where you can be happier.
I could relate to this so much. After repeated attempts to frustrate me in my job the AP at my school humiliated me near the end of the year. I knew I could not return the following year, she had made it a toxic environment. Thank you for telling your story.